No s–t, Sherlock! Most NYC public bathrooms are dirty and lacking toilet paper — if they’re even open

The Big Apple’s park bathrooms are in totally crappy shape, according to a new city council study.

Nearly two-thirds of public park toilets inspected across the five boroughs were either locked or plagued with health or safety problems — ranging from urine-splattered floors to litter and no soap or toilet paper, according to a report released by lawmakers Thursday.

Overall, one-third of the more than 100 city bathrooms examined lacked garbage cans and dozens had no required baby changing stations, according to the report, titled “Nature’s Call.”

A total of 40% of the restrooms were also found to be strewn with trash or worse — including many covered with stomach-turning mystery liquids, according to the 19-page report.

Park-goers on Friday called the squalid conditions loo-dicrous — saying they’d rather ignore nature’s call than brave the putrid potties.

“I just hold it until I get home because they’re just so disgusting,” said Rose Anahlia, a 20-year-old NYU student who lives near Washington Square Park. “It’s just too much hassle.”

Others said they had seen worse — including blood spatter, drug users and folks smoking inside the bathrooms.

“I am disgusted,” said Jennifer Purcell, a 54-year-old insurance company rep from Las Vegas. “It was unsanitary. There is toilet paper on the floor, stuff falling from the ceiling.”

For the study, council inspectors checked out a men’s and women’s toilet at parks in each of the city’s 51 council districts over three days in July and found many in repulsive conditions.

Some 40% of the inspected johns were littered with trash, while nearly one-fourth had nasty conditions, including “bodily fluids on surfaces,” the study said.

Meanwhile, 10% had no hand soap and 13% had no toilet paper in the stalls.

One in nine of the bathrooms were without functioning locks, and about 30% had no garbage cans.

Lawmakers said there’s plenty to do to flush out the problem.

“This is a topic that gets discussed often but never resolved,” Councilwoman Gale Brewer, who chairs the panel’s Committee on Oversight and Investigation, said in a statement.

“Many of the restrooms would benefit greatly from simple fixes, such as replacing sinks or toilets,” Brewer said. “Others need much more.”

In addition, more than a quarter of the facilities lacked a place to throw away menstrual products, while about 24% didn’t have baby-changing stations for city parents of tots, the report said.

“Public bathrooms, just like paved roads, schools or fire stations, are critical infrastructure for New York City families,” said Shekar Krishna, who chairs the council’s Committee on Parks and Recreation.

“The solution to this mess is clear,” Krishna said. “To provide the safe, clean public bathrooms that New Yorkers deserve we need to stop cutting and start investing in our NYC Parks.”

On Friday, other visitors to Washington Square Park said the men’s bathroom had especially gone to pot.

“[There are] puddles of piss, grime all over the floor. There are people using drugs in there,” said Cameron, who lives in Brooklyn and works in the area. “The ones run by the city are disgusting.”

City lawmakers said the bathrooms in each district were picked based on community complaints and past subpar inspection results dating to 2018, according to the report.

The city parks department regularly inspects public restrooms under a system set up in 1984.

In 2019, a city comptroller’s report titled “Discomfort Stations: The Conditions and Availability of NYC Parks Bathrooms” examined the condition of the restrooms, including for compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act and availability of amenities like changing stations.

At least one non-profit has also conducted inspections over the years, as have the city’s borough president’s offices at various points over the years, the council study said.

Additional reporting by Natalie O’Neill